Can You Keep a Secret?
by Valentine's Riddle
Summary: Things you never knew about the HP Characters. Some amusing, mainly next-gen characters, and some more sad and reflective. TOTALLY canon. Chapter 9, Daphne Greengrass, now up. Rather more comical than the last one.
1. Bill Weasley

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A/N: Ok, this is just a pet project I'm working on. I'm not giving up either of my regular chapter fics, but I couldn't help but start this and figured I might as well put it up. It's another of those "10 things you never knew..." fics, I know, really original, but I love coming up with bits and pieces like this! Some will be humorous, some more angsty. I'm going to try, for once, to stick religiously to canon, although staying away from my darling D/G will be HARD beyond belief! If you have requests for characters, please feel free to submit them! I'd rather start with the relatively minor characters, because, let's face it, we know pretty much all we need to know about Harry and co anyway! I hope you like it! Riddle Xx

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Bill Weasley

1) When he got his ear pierced, he fainted from the sight of the blood.

It was then that he changed his aim of being a Healer to that of the rather less gory Curse Breaker.

The only person who ever knew the true extent of his squeamishness was Madam Pomfrey, who treated him for shock after a particularly traumatic Care of Magical Creatures lesson involving several Doxies and a very aggressive Salamander.

2) Tell the truth, he didn't really _like _Arithmancy. But he _did _like Yvonne Abbott, who sat in front of him.

It was probably just as well she gave it up halfway through Sixth Year, because without her shining blonde hair taking his mind off Professor Vector, he aced the exam with an "O"

3) If he ever had a daughter, he hoped she'd be like his baby sister Ginny, who he missed more than the rest of his family put together when he was away at Hogwarts.

Her admiration made him want to show off like no girlfriend ever had, and he had to suppress a grin every time she beat the twins in an argument.

In fact, it was _he _who had taught her the infamous Bat-Bogey hex (although he never told any of his brothers, as they had all been victims at some point or another), and didn't it serve her well?

4) He was as scared of the dark as Ron was of spiders; however he was rather better at hiding his fear than his littlest brother.

Extremely good for him, since the Goblins believed that nyctophobia was unlucky and were known to shut sufferers in dungeons until they were believed to be cured.

More often than not they were just forgotten about.

He managed to hide it well, although his friend Gareth, who worked in Egypt with him, would always give him a suspicious look when he pretended to have dropped his earring just as they were about to enter a new tomb.

5) The first words he said to Fleur were "Holy crap, Ron wasn't exaggerating after all!"

He immediately turned the same colour as his hair.

6) When he woke up in the hospital wing he hated the scars Fenrir Greyback gave him... but Fred managed to cheer him up by suggesting he go to the Gringott's Halloween party as Mad-Eye Moody.

Fleur cheered him up even more by smothering every single scar with kisses when he woke up, a habit which seemed to have stuck.

In fact, within days, he could think back on the whole incident without much regret at all.

7) His and Fleur's honeymoon in France lasted just two days, but seeing her standing ankle-deep in the sparkling surf, her hair being whipped around her, was enough to set him looking for a house by the sea the minute they returned to England.

8) Since she had caught him swearing at the twins, age thirteen, his Boggart had been his Auntie Muriel in curlers and a nightgown.

9) Although he knew that she was jealous and found her extremely irritating, it was actually Ginny who persuaded him to propose to Fleur.

He was so grateful to her that he immediately bought her a season ticket for the Holyhead Harpies.

As it turned out, he would be buying a lot of them in the years to come, when all the Weasleys bar Ron became die-hard supporters.

10) It took a year's worth of sexual favours for Fleur to persuade him to allow her to name their daughter Victoire, and twenty years later he still found it difficult to call her by her given name without a smirk... instead, she allowed him to call him Torie.


	2. Teddy Lupin

**A/N: Here's Chapter Two! Thanks to secret-scribbled-notebooks for reviewing, this chapter's for you. Riddle Xx**

Teddy Lupin

1) People always seemed to expect great things from him- his parents had died in the War, his godfather was Harry Potter, youngest ever Head of the Auror Office, he was top in his year for Defence Against the Dark Arts, the list went on.

So when he became a professional Chaser, no one was surprised.

They _were _rather surprised when he retired after five years and started working for George Weasley.

2) One time his grandmother walked in while he was trying out new hair colours.

She didn't mention it again, but did subtly hint to the eight-year-old boy that just because Victoire had waist-length blonde hair and looked fantastic, it didn't mean that the look would work so well for a boy.

3) He was initially a little disappointed at being Sorted into Hufflepuff.

After all, his father and Uncle Harry and Ron and Hermione and Auntie Ginny and Molly and Arthur were all in Gryffindor: what makes him so different?

But then Harry tells him that his mother, who had given him his Metamorphmagus powers and fought so bravely and been an Auror, Mad-Eye Moody's favourite, was a Hufflepuff too.

After that he wears the yellow and black with pride.

4) His real eye colour is a warm brown, like his grandmother's. But for as long as he can remember he has been drawn to having it hazel.

This pleases his grandmother, although Andromeda will never tell him why.

He only finds out when she gives him that wedding picture of his parents.

5) Every time he goes to visit his parent's grave, he turns his hair pink.

Only Harry and Andromeda know, and both tell him that they understand. Apparently his hair turned pink at his parent's funeral, too, young as he was.

Andromeda loves it when he does that, although she warns him that turning his hair such a girly colour probably won't be such a good idea when he goes to Hogwarts.

6) His first kiss was with Alicia Wood behind the school greenhouses in fourth year.

Unfortunately for him, he forgot in the heat of the moment that glass was see-through... and got a completely undeserved reputation as the school Casanova thanks to several early and loud-mouthed Third Years.

7) Although he tells himself that he loves her as his family, he gets so angry when he sees Jacob Nott with Victoire that his hair and eyes turn a bright, fiery red.

The only person who seems to understand why he watches her so closely is Harry, who eventually- though in a rather stilted and awkward manner- says that if he doesn't tell Victoire how he is feeling now, he will always regret it. He knows, he says, and Teddy will see that one day too.

8) It took him three weeks to get up the courage to ask her out, but when he saw her in the hallway with Nott _again_, he finally found his resolve.

However, he didn't know the password to the Ravenclaw Common Room, and it took three hours of pacing before the eagle took pity on him and gave him an easy question. Luckily he knew the answer to "Who was the last Headmaster of Hogwarts, for Christ's sake?!" and was able to get in.

Of course, seeing her in her rather skimpy pyjamas reduced him to a stuttering wreck, and in the end she took pity on him and put him out of his misery.

By kissing him.

In front of the whole house.

9) Up until Third Year, he was terrified of flying.

It was only when he went to a Muggle theme park with Uncle Harry for the first time and went on his first roller-coaster that he realised at least on a broomstick he could stop when he wanted to!

That Autumn he tried out for the Hufflepuff Quidditch Team.

10) He resented James Sirius, he really did, until his first word was "Teddy" (or, to be more accurate, "Tedda"- but what difference does it make?). After that, he didn't really mind the kid, and rather enjoyed having an honorary little brother- it could sometimes be rather useful.

For instance, it _was _actually him who knocked over the entire display of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes' fireworks when he went to Diagon Alley to help Lily get her school books, but since everyone automatically assumed it was James he didn't see fit to correct them.

After all, James caused so much trouble he was half-convinced he did it himself anyway.


	3. Narcissa Malfoy

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read! Replies to reviews:**

**Secret-scribbled-notebooks: Hey, you were my first reviewer, and people like that get special kudos Glad you liked!**

**Discombobulated-Chum-Bucket and Eowyn Shadeslayer: Thanks! I'll definitely try to do James and Victoire soon, I'm afraid I started Victoire's but it strangely morphed into Narcissa Malfoy... I'm not sure whether Dudley has enough thoughts to make a chapter, but I'll certainly give it a shot. Petunia might be interesting, too.**

**Anyway, on to one of my favourite minor characters! Riddle Xx**

Narcissa Malfoy nee Black

1) She reads Muggle romance novels- almost non-stop.

In fact, she created a special alcove in the library for them. It was the one thing she had in common with her sister Andy, and even after she left home, she would send her one every year, without fail, on her birthday.

No note, no card.

Her sister would know what they meant.

2) When her mother had told her, age fourteen, that she would most likely have to marry Lucius Malfoy, she was inwardly delighted at her lot- she had been looking out for him at Ministry and society functions since he had first helped her put her cloak on, age ten.

However, one look at the sympathetic look on her mother's face (and having grown up witnessing the all the problems caused by an arranged marriage) told her to milk her empathy for all it was worth, so she put on a pout and asked if they could go shopping.

Her mother immediately complied.

3) She went to Andy's wedding, and insisted she wear the pearl tiara that their father had given their mother.

That was the last time she saw her for over twenty years.

4) Abraxas Malfoy, on seeing her in her wedding dress, called her a "Boticelli Venus".

It was twenty years before she discovered what he was referring to, and that evening raised her glass to him in a silent toast. It seemed that her father-in-law wasn't quite the bigot that he'd lead them to believe.

She never told Lucius.

She also never told Lucius that when she was growing up she wanted to be Minister for Magic. She wasn't quite sure whether it was the thought of wearing dress robes every day or being able to order around her family that most appealed to her.

5) The first, and only, time she saw Lucius cry was at the birth of their son.

It was also the first, but by no means the last, time that he'd ever call her "darling".

It was then that she realized one didn't need a passionate whirlwind of a romance to find love after all, although perhaps it wasn't quite what she had dreamed about in her girlhood.

Lucius was enraptured by his son, and she could tell that the fact he was half hers had made their marriage.

6) When Bellatrix died, she sat with Rodolphus for the whole night in his cell in Azkaban, while he raved and sobbed in her arms.

Because he had known her since she was a child, and loved her more than anyone in the world, although he knew his feelings would never be reciprocated.

Because both knew that Bella's name would be synonymous with evil, that at that moment glasses around the country were being raised to Molly Weasley for finishing her off.

Because love is unconditional, and both remembered Bella as the laughing young tomboy, radiant in her wedding dress (she had always loved scandal, and it was blood red), and as a beloved wife and sister.

Narcissa told Lucius that she was helping the injured, and felt no regret, because she wasn't lying.

7) When Draco married Astoria, it took her an hour and a half to make her face presentable, because she was crying so hard.

She also sent an invitation- which was politely declined- to Andromeda. She received a note from her, though, for the first time in over two decades. It said:

_I think I've been ostracized for too long now to seek reconciliation. Perhaps another time. Yours, Andy._

That gave her hope.

8) When she first held young Scorpius in her arms, she didn't cry. She smiled, delighted at the look of bliss on Draco and Ambrosia's faces, and the happiness on Lucius's.

Finally, she thought, a child untouched by war. It seemed Scorpius echoed this sentiment, as he chucked, waving his tiny hands in the air.

That evening, she decided to visit Andromeda and her grandson.

9) Although, after her difficulty in conceiving Draco, she knew she would never have another child, she _always_ dreamed of a daughter. And the first time that Astoria came to her for advice on what to wear on a date with Draco, she was immeasurably happy.

She felt a similar delight in accompanying her to purchase her wedding dress, not just because of her love for beautiful clothing, and as she and Syllabelle cooed over the young woman's beautiful dress, for the first time ever she envied Molly Weasley her many children.

10) Perhaps Lucius hadn't much approved of Scorpius's choice... but Narcissa inwardly was delighted. For one, the girl could hold a decent conversation, and Narcissa could not stop laughing when she ordered Scorpius around for the first time (and was promptly, if grudgingly, obeyed).

Narcissa had always secretly adored red hair, as well. And the name Rose... so beautiful, and Narcissa felt an instant bond with the sharp young woman.

After all, both were named for flowers.


	4. Nymphadora Tonks

**A/N: This one is quite short, but I liked the way it turned out. Any constructive criticism and further requests are welcome! Sorry it took so long to get this one out!- Riddle Xx**

Nymphadora Tonks

1) The first time she turned her hair black, Andromeda screamed and dropped the jug of pumpkin juice she was holding.

From then on, she stuck to brighter shades.

2) When she was younger, she found a shoe box under her mother's bed. When she asked who the pretty lady was her mother said that Aunty Bella had died years before.

When she saw Bellatrix for the first time, in the Department of Mysteries, she knew her mother wasn't lying.

3) She used to call her mother "Bubba", because she couldn't pronounce "Mother".

Gradually, over the years, her parents stopped calling her "Bubblegum", but she always thought that perhaps it led to her affection for the colour pink.

4) When she was growing up, she had thought it was her father who was the most lively and courageous, when he argued with Lucius Malfoy every time he saw him at Platform 93/4.

It was when she discovered a Slytherin tie and a bundle of letters in her mother's sock draw during the summer of her fifth year that she conceded maybe her quiet, unassuming, gentle mother had been the dark horse of the family all along.

5) The first time she was ever drunk was at a Weird Sister's concert in the summer between her Sixth and Seventh years.

She woke up at her friend Dierdre's house the next morning with a splitting headache and a tattoo of a purple rose on her left shoulder.

Although she could never really remember, she had a feeling that it was her first time for something else, too, at least, she knew that she and Rhys Russell never looked at each other without blushing again.

6) She had never really fancied blonde hair, but when she saw Narcissa Malfoy for the first time, at Platform 93/4, she gave it a go.

This time, it was an entire tray of extremely expensive goblin-wrought wine glasses her mother dropped.

Ten minutes later she was back to pink, and Nymphadora vowed never again to have a normal hair colour... unless she _really_ couldn't help it.

7) She could never remember what her real eye colour was. For most of her life it bounced between blue and green.

When she met Remus, they turned hazel and the only person who noticed was him.

8) When she was fifteen, she managed to break into the Shrieking Shack.

The mirror she stole hung on her bedroom wall for almost ten years.

The first time Remus saw it he laughed out loud, and kissed her soundly on the lips.

_9) She _proposed to _him_... but he liked to take credit anyway. She didn't really mind.

10) It wasn't just Mundungus who stole from Grimmauld Place.

Nymphadora took several small, unobtrusive items- some family pictures, a wizarding genealogy, a signet ring and a small pearl tiara.

Nymphadora never found out why it was that the tiara made her mother cry so hard: yet all it would have taken was a closer look at her wedding picture to find out why.


	5. Rose Weasley

**A/N: Personally, I feel Scorpius/Rose was hinted at in the Epilogue, so this isn't Uncanon in the slightest.**

**I like my Rose. She's got a healthy sense of sarcasm.**

Rose Weasley

1) Her favourite book was _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_- not because she'd ever conciously read it, but because she loved hearuing the tales her mother told her of the riddle surrounding it.

After all, what self-respecting Granger girl doesn't love a good mystery?

2) She couldn't understand what Victoire saw in Teddy.

The boy spent an inexcusable amount of time with pink hair.

Besides, whatever her protestations to the contrary when cornered by Lily after prefect meetings, she preferred blonds...

3) She was delighted to join Teddy and Lily in the "Potters and Weasleys who broke the Gryffindor mould" group, after being Sorted into Ravenclaw.

She had a feeling her mother expected it, though, because when she unpacked her trunk on her first day, she found a pair of blue pyjamas and what looked like half of Hermione's old OWL and NEWT textbooks.

4) She couldn't _stand _Hogwarts: A History. It was the most boring book she had ever read.

But when her mother gave her a copy on the day she left for Hogwarts, she re-read it twelve times just in case Hermione decided to give her an impromptu test on its contents.

(She rather enjoyed the revised chapter on the Chamber of Secrets, though. And the Battle of Hogwarts wasn't so tedious either.)

5) When, in fourth year, she wrote to tell her mother that she had started dating her first boyfriend, Hermione sent her instructions for a spell to use "When he screws you over".

Two years later, she could perform the curse even better than her mother, although Ron, on whom his own bird-inflicted scars were still visible, found it hard to believe.

Thanks to Aunt Ginny, she wasn't half bad with a Bat Bogey either, as Hugo, James and Al could only too readily attest.

6) When her grandmother dragged her away from five-a-side Quidditch to teach her to learn how to cook "Like a true Weasley woman", she had to fight very hard to resist clanging Molly over the head with her saucepan.

_Whatevber happened to feminism?, _she thought.

That night was the first night Harry told her all about her grandmother's defeat of Bellatrix Lestrange at the Final Battle, and after that she discovered a new appreciation for brownies- and a new respect for Molly.

7) When she first started dating Scorpius, she was terrified of her parents' reactions.

Ron, naturally, went apoplectic.

Hermione merely laughed.

When asked why, she replied, still chuckling,

"Good luck with the in-laws, Rosie"

8) At her first dinner at Scorpius's house, after a decidedly frosty reception from his father, she spent ten minutes telling funny stories about her childhood pet, a ferret named Mallory. Astoria started giggling and Draco couldn't stop squirming. Scorpius merely looked adorably confused.

After the meal, Draco pulled her aside and promised to give his blessing to her relationship with Scorpius if she never mentioned it again.

"Don't worry, Mallory was a rabbit, anyway" she assured him with a smirk.

9) She would never admit it to Hermione, but her godmother, Auntie Luna, had her thoroughly convinced that there were indeed such things as Crumple-Horned Snorkacks.

10) She agreed to marry Scorpius on one condition.

She would _not _name her children after constellations.

He only too happily agreed.

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**A/N: I have decided to take the slightly controversial step of making Lily Potter Jr a Slytherin. Uncanon? I don't think so. She's a mix of Fred and George's humour and Molly's fiery temper, so it's really only natural.**

**Also, I thought Slytherin got rather an unfair deal in the books. What, so just because you're ambitious, determined and cunning, you're part of the quarter of Hogwarts that's inherantly evil?**

**I think, with the overthrow of Voldemort, we need to see some shaking up of those House stereotypes!**

**So, Lily Jr's next! After that, probably Bellatrix.**

**Love, Riddle Xx**


	6. Lily Potter Jr

**A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this one. It's not how Lily is usually portrayed, but it worked for me!**

**I'm in China at the moment, it's amazing, I was just watching the rowing. Go Team GB!! In fact, I'm impressed I managed to get this typed and transferred, as the computers are all in Chinese. Don't worry, I'll settle for reviews as thanks! Riddle Xx**

Lily Potter Jr

1) By the time she was ten, she had heard the phrase, "Oh, you've got your Uncle Ron's eyes!" so many times that it was instantly rewarded with what the Weasley-Potter clan called the "Molly Glare".

Her father, for some reason, found her predicament highly amusing.

2) With her Uncle George's wholehearted support, she made it her life's mission to be a bigger troublemaker than her older brother James.

"You've got to watch out for the underdog, kid" he informed her brother with a smirk when she was seven years old. "There's nothing scarier than a small woman with a point to prove. Your mother is living proof".

"She's a _monster_!" James would whine to their parents, as Lily sniffed in the background, having greatly exaggerated the pain of the curse he put on her (the idiot- number one rule of sibling fights, NEVER leave marks!)

"Nonsense, James," Harry would say. "All brothers find their little sisters irritating! You need to control yourself better. It doesn't even look like she did anything to you."

Cue Lily to smirk evilly at her brother from behind their father's back, while James howled his outrage.

"This is _war!" _James hissed at her.

"Bring it _on_, four-eyes!" Lily mouthed back.

Poor Hogwarts. The teachers never saw it coming.

3)"Hmm... ambition... perseverance... wit... intelligence, goodness, yes. I suppose I'll have to put you in Ravenclaw. It wouldn't be my first choice, but given your family circumstances..."

"No, put me where you think I should go!" thought Lily. No WAY was she joining Rose and Teddy in the Gryffindor rejects group!

"Oh, very well, then" sighed the Hat. "SLYTHERIN!"

Bugger.

4) She was secretly proud of the fact she earned more detentions in her first term than her uncles Fred and George combined.

For the sake of family unity, though, she told Ginny it was all _James's _fault that she laced the water in Gryffindor tower with ink she had procured from the Giant Squid (who proved to be friendly to her cause given the number of times James had magically tied its tentacles in knots).

It was all James's fault for provoking her and the Squid and causing them to join forces.

Slytherin or not, who would they believe: him or her?!

5) James spent years hiding from Harry that he had lost the Marauder's Map.

In fact, Lily had stolen it from him the moment she had blackmailed the Gryffindor password out of Albus in her second year.

Hey, it made Prefect Patrols easier, at least. It was for the greater good!

6) For her eleventh birthday, she asked Ginny to teach her the Bat Bogey Hex.

Ginny refused, insisting that she didn't want to be arrested as an accomplice in the murder of either of her sons.

7) At the beginning of her Sixth year she decided to stage a recreation of Harry and Ron's infamous "Flying Ford Anglia" entrance with her grandfather's flying motorbike.

She tried to talk her way out of trouble when Molly discovered her with it by insisting that she had been feeding the chickens.

She never really expected it to work. After all, she was trying to lie to the woman who had raised Fred, George and her own _mother._

8) Although it surprised everyone who knew her, her favourite colour was actually pink.

9)The only person who wasn't affected by her tough-girl routine was Robert Wood.

Theirs was the first Slytherin-Hufflepuff romance in _years_ at Hogwarts.

His dad was gorgeous, so she knew he'd turn out well!

10) Although she pretended Harry's stories didn't scare her, she thought she could blame her Aragog-shaped Boggart on her father.

Well, partly. She'd seen her fair share of Acromantulae too.

But that's another story.

**A/N: Oh, and thanks bunches to Taylorxxsue, Matt Quinn and xxflamingoxx for reviewing.**


	7. Bellatrix Lestrange

**A/N: This is a step away from the comic tone of the last one, and it's much shorter, but I think it's appropriate. Bella is one of my favourite characters. I liked bringing out her crazy side in this! Thanks to TaylorxxSue and Moonshine 369 for reviewing (moonshine- the next one is back to funny, I promise!)**

**I'm watching a Batman cartoon with the Riddler at the moment. How appropriate! Riddle Xx**

Bellatrix Lestrange

1. She almost couldn't kill Nymphadora, because with blonde hair she looked so much like Cissy.

(_Almost_ being the key word in that sentence)

2. For her eighth birthday, her mother finally relented and told her she could have a cat.

She came back from the pet shop with a five-foot-long boa constrictor that she named Fluffy in a fit of irony.

3. She didn't actually lay eyes on a Muggle until she joined the Death Eaters.

The first Muggle she saw, she killed.

And the second, and the third...

4. The last time she cried was when Regulus ran away. They were tears of anger, not grief, for her master tried to toture his location out of her.

For the rest of her life, she hated his memory.

5. Neither of her parents once told her that they loved her.

6. Her master's eyes were scarlet, and therefore, against all her mother's protestations, so was her wedding dress.

7. Through all their fights, Bellatrix felt her parents had made the right choice in giving her to Rod.

Theirs was a passionate marriage.

It's just a shame that passion wasn't for each other.

8. By the time she was let out of her cell in Azkaban, it was covered with over ten thousand Dark Marks, scratched into the stone walls with a nail.

One for every day she was there.

One for every time she managed to catch a glimpse of Rod.

One for every time she _thought_, in her deranged, feverous dreams, she felt her Mark burn.

The last one, scratched into the iron padlock of the door, was unfinished.

9. When she killed her cousin, she heard her own voice in his laugh.

She put it down to Déjà Vu.

10. As she deposited her master's cup in her vault, she held it to her lips.

For one strange moment, she imagined it was pulsating in time with her own heartbeat.


	8. Daphne Greengrass

**A/N: I'm not entirely sure why I wrote this one- after all, Daphne's mentioned only once in the books. However, my interest was piqued when JKR mentioned her sister married Draco and I thought- Hey, _this _could be interesting! **

**Thanks so much to secret-scribbled-notebooks (you're not sick, I found it funny too, in an ironic way. I'm so English!), TaylorxxSue, Gloobery Gloobery Gumdrops, RhiannonAmidala and madeofawesomeness for reviewing!**

**Enjoy! Riddle Xx**

Daphne Greengrass

1. The Sorting Hat actually tried to put her in Ravenclaw.

Well, she wasn't having _that_.

After some pretty nasty threats, involving a Blast-Ended Skrewt, a swarm of Doxies and several gallons of Firewhiskey, the Hat bowed to the inevitable.

"_Well, with that rather impressive show of maliciousness, you'd probably be better off in Slytherin, anyway_" it sneered in her ear, before constricting painfully around her head (snapping her extremely expensive antique silver Alice band) and shouting "SLYTHERIN" to the unsurprised school populace.

2. She trusted Pansy Parkinson more than anyone else in the world.

Sure, they were constantly battling to be Slytherin Queen to Draco's King (well, even being second-in-command wasn't too bad when serving alongside the delectable Blaise Zabini, but Slytherins prefer to be number one), but they had a certain respect for each other.

It was a classic case of blondes versus brunettes. Pansy would get all the boys on her side with sarcastic remarks and witty banter. Daphne would flutter her eyelashes and they would all fall at her feet, at which point Pansy's cutting remark would have them all confused, embarrassed, and undecided.

And Pansy and Daphne would get bored of their idiocy and go and have a Firewhiskey in the Slytherin Prefect's study with Blaise and Draco.

Pans, Daffy, Draco and Blaise: the Formidable Four to Gryffindor's Golden Trio.

3. It was Pansy's fault. All her fault.

It was at the Battle of Hogwarts.

Draco had disappeared, and Pansy was in a panic, ditching Slughorn and running off looking for him. Daphne was afraid she would do something stupid, so instead of being evacuated as she should have been, she ran after her.

It happened as if in slow motion. They ran into Daphne's father, duelling a black wizard whose wand was moving faster than the eye could follow.

Pansy tried to run past them, towards the staircase.

A jet of light burst from the black wizard's wand. Green light.

Daphne had a choice. Her father or Pansy.

She never regretted her decision.

4. Her mother's remarriage surprised everyone, not least her. A Greengrass marrying a half blood? Who would have thought?

Daphne took years to reconcile herself to it.

But eventually his holiday homes in Florida and Monaco (the wizarding communities, naturally- at least his _wizarding _half was pureblood) persuaded her to give Demitrius Bell a chance.

She never got on with his daughter, though. Some animosities just run too deep to correct.

Besides, given that one of her best friends had once tried to _kill _her new stepsister, Daphne really couldn't blame her.

5. She was jealous as hell when her sister married Draco.

She and Pansy had contested him for years, and then her petite, blonde (with absolutely no artificial help, the bitch) and goddamn perfect sister goes and steals him? Things were never quite the same with her and Draco, although the three got on well enough, and she and Pansy were godmothers to little Scorpius.

Then, of course, Pansy got together with Vladimir, the Durmstrang boy she had met at the Yule Ball. A bit intimidating, with his accent, to be sure, but nice enough. So she moved out of their bachelorette pad.

Daphne sometimes wondered whether love would ever find her.

It hadn't yet. But give it time.

In the meantime, she, Theo and Blaise were sharing her parent's old house. And though Theo was a weedy little specimen of a man, Blaise was a _magnificent_ sight to wake up to on a Sunday morning!

6. The thought of being a housewife terrified her. She couldn't cook. She was singularly incapable of cleaning spells (and her mother took the House Elf to Monaco, so until it had a baby...). The chances of her ever wanting kids were pretty minimal, too.

Her mother couldn't stand it. "You set out to prove your intelligence, darling, and you've done that. But surely you want children?"

"I work in _fashion_, Mum" she replied with a sneer worthy of Draco. "Think what a baby would do to my figure. And can you imagine me cleaning baby sick out of designer dress robes?"

No, her mother admitted, she couldn't.

7. As for the job... it was supposed to be a temporary thing - she decided to get a job at Gladrag's to while away the time between her social calendar and husband-hunt, and, of course, for the discount.

Little did she know that not only would she be _good_ at it, she'd actually _enjoy _it.

Within ten years she was Managing Director and was taking steps to take the company global.

Of course, that meant a lot of meetings with the insufferable Granger of the Department for Magical Law Enforcement vis à vis copyright, patenting and getting the company their own legal counsel. But she managed to ignore the girl's insufferable lectures on paragraph seven of clause five of the whatsit by picturing herself sunning on the balcony of her _own _holiday home in Monaco.

It seemed to do the trick, although Granger clearly thought she had a screw loose.

Stupid, know-it-all Mudblood.

8. Since their lessons on Muggle popular culture in Muggle Studies in third year, Blaise (who Pansy had persuaded to take the subject for an easy "O" and a laugh while they made fun of their batty professor) had called her "Daffy Duck"

He wrote it on her letters, her school books, her shoes and her walls.

It became something of her trademark.

So when she started her own luxury line in robes, sold, of course, exclusively through Gladrags, the logo was a silver swan (a duck being just that little bit too frivolous).

9. Okay, so it _may _have been her who laced Blaise's girlfriend of four months' drink with out-of-date Amortentia.

But it was just that one time! And the thought of living alone with Theo was too horrible to stomach.

She kept catching him going through her underwear drawer.

Freak.

10. She would _never _have become a Death Eater.

Not that she was against Voldemort on principal. Wizarding supremacy certainly had an appeal. And then she could have expanded Gladrags to include Muggle clothes too, and make even _more _money!

But... well, she was too lazy to commit full-time to a cause that didn't pay well. And male Death Eaters were, with the exception of Draco and his father, a hairy, unattractive lot. All that pillaging, rape and murder left rather a nasty taste in the mouth.

As Pansy always said: "If you can't beat 'em, _arrange to have them beaten_". And Daphne's services came at a heavy price.

Besides. Tattoos were so... _vulgar_.

**A/N: God, she's such a snob. But I enjoyed writing about her. She's kind of a quasi-evil feminist bitch. I haven't got the next one planned. Does anyone have any requests? Leave them in a review and I'll give them a go. Riddle Xx**


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